On my bed and couldn't sleep.

June 03, 2011

You know somehow I've been thinking alot lately!

I don't know, maybe it's because I'm getting older? I know I'm not really behaving like one sometimes and that's what many of you think too! Like I'm childish and being immature at this age!

But actually do think alot at times about the future, and about what I really want! I reckon this will be another random rant by me but I don't know man, I just gotta drop some thoughts somewhere and this is the best place I guess. No, it is the best place!


So in about like 11 days, I'll be finally out of the army! Finish serving my 2 years!

And then, I'll be heading to study for 2.5 years over at SIM doing Marketing!

It's kinda like a twist in my life cause I didn't expect or plan to further study at first until recently, and I don't know whether is it because I don't know what I'm going to do yet, thus I channeled myself to study or purely because I really think that having a degree is important (which I still don't really think so, okay maybe to certain extent but not like without it you can't survive, as I think having a skill is also important as well).


But so much so, I've decided to study and I shall go with it and try my best!

Life have been really unsettled for me, like relationship for instance, I don't know am I expecting too much or what, as there are people who are really nice to me yet when feelings doesn't click and isn't there, it doesn't work and I don't think its right to lead people on if you don't like them or to be together with them for benefits or whatever!


And for blogging, I've been blogging for so many years now, and of course, many new bloggers are popping out as years past and I'm really glad and feel super fortunate that I'm still around going strong with people still reading and supporting me!

I know my content is getting pretty stale lately and actually I sometimes do question myself whether I'll still be able to blog that frequent when I start studying or even when I start working? Or will people still be reading me by that time?


Sometimes I also do question myself on why am I still acting like a kid!

I know I look like one and act like one at times but the thoughts and stuff that I've been going through and thinking through is far much more than that! I know some of you people totally can't get it, just because I don't portray that out but that doesn't mean I'm immature and all!

I know some haters or even those really like me, want to see a different me, a more mature me! They hate to see me having all the cutesy moment, pose or in the videos!

I know cause I'm 22 now, I know its time for me to do something!

Like I can't be like this till I'm 30 right?

All this is starting to confuse me cause I wanted to change but another part of me still don't want to! I still wanna dress like the way I dress and play and have fun like the way I do now! And I still can do it because I don't look like my age, and that's the reason why I'm still doing it!


Sometimes I also wonder why do people wanna be famous or go after fame that badly?

You know, if there's a chance to start all over, I wouldn't want it (maybe because I've had experienced it, that's why?). Not like I'm really famous now but... semi? Okay or maybe a quarter-famous? Cause I hope I can do things quietly without people noticing!

It's just like you can't dress really sloppy out because people will judge and comment that "why does typicalben look like that in real life". I mean you all can say why bother about what people think but yes, I'm bothering cause I'm conscious of myself!

I really find it super fake people always say 'why bother about what people think', when everyone somehow will be bothered by what people say about them!

And the only way is to get used to it, like me! I'm already very used to people saying me feminine, gay, act cute and stuff like that and it doesn't affect me anymore!


Oh! Another thing is about paying my school fees!

The other I was stressed up on how do I pay that 24k of school fees man! Pretty much a huge sum for me and I guess bank loan is only the way! And I'll slowly pay back when I start working!

I don't know how long this blog is going to last! I only know it will last really long if I don't work and be a full time blogger (which I doubt I can cause I'm still not earning that much from blogging yet, and by that much meaning at least 2-3k a month).

Or maybe it's possible too if my hits suddenly go up to ten over thousand from a thousand plus now!

Hahahahaha! Okay! I'm sleepy already! Nights!

Sent via BlackBerry!

-o-"

You Might Also Like

2 comments

  1. Anonymous4:57 am

    " It's just like you can't dress really sloppy out because people will judge and comment that "why does typicalben look like that in real life". I mean you all can say why bother about what people think but yes, I'm bothering cause I'm conscious of myself!"

    this paragraph kinda struck me about you. this is just an opinion or a say; nothing serious.

    I realise that all your photos are so 'perfect'. I know they are well photoshopped. Thus they look awesome. However, I feel like it do not show you 100%. I mean, i have seen you out in public and i realise that your eyes arent as the same as what i see on your blog. They are bigger than they are. I guess that is why people say you act cute and stuff. I am not going to cant touch on your character or your personality coz i only know who you are via your blog.

    People say why you 'look like that in real life' is because all they see on your blog are just the 'beautiful' side of you. Thus, they pretty much expected you to be of some kind of standard looking like what you post on your blog.

    Well, maybe you can be more 'real'...?
    in your photos...? like instead of having them big eyes, try having it normal. of some photos of you in home clothes. (i am not asking your to post it on purpose because of what i say, but if you happen or want to post them up for some of your reason, do put them up) than people will make lesser expectation of you.
    about your post, instead of posting things people or public want to see or read, try posting things that is really inside you. Instead of putting up photos or posting about cool sutff you could post about your feeling and stuff or daily happening. All raw; nothing is being edited or covered up. It might attract fellow blog followers who wnats to know more about deep. Instead of knowing those selected event that took place in your life. You can blog about everything.

    I am not trying to say you are fake or whatever. What I am trying to say is that you just have to be who or whatever you are on the blog.

    " I don't know how long this blog is going to last! I only know it will last really long if I don't work and be a full time blogger (which I doubt I can cause I'm still not earning that much from blogging yet, and by that much meaning at least 2-3k a month). "

    And about the future of blogging, maybe you can just continue blogging. I would love to see more from you in the future. But you blog for youself. Just blog as if the blog is for you and nobody else. Blog as if you are not a celebrity blogger or some well known person. Like a journal. A little diary of your own. Maybe not much of a magazine to publicise your life.

    This is just a say. I am not some kind of haters or something, but just sharing my thoughts.

    I wish you all the best in your future endeavour and especially your studies! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. passerby6:02 pm

    i'm looking forward to see you in school, cos i'm in the same course and school as youuuuu!!! :DDD

    ReplyDelete

Instagram