8 things to ask yourself before you get into a relationshipMarch 30, 2014
All of us know that, we humans, need to feel loved and be loved. And at certain point of time in our life, we will yearn for a special someone to be by our side. Someone whom we can relied on, someone whom we can share our worries or troubles with, someone whom also can share our joy together. Someone to love you for who you are and always supporting you and have your back. Someone whom you are very sure that he/she will be there for you, by your side no matter what happened, even when the whole world has given up on you. Someone who can easily brighten up your day just by a call or a simple text from them.
But I think many people now are abusing the way how relationship works and should be.
People just get into relationship as and when they feel like it, thus it somehow slowly degrades the value of dating and getting into a relationship. It happens so often now in the current society that we can see couples, breaking up and getting back together like it's a game, where they can pause and restart all over as and when they feel like it. Breaking up and patching up numerous times seems like a norm, cheating in relationship slowly becomes a norm as well, getting into relationship for the sake of being in one becomes a norm too. How does all these suddenly turns into norms and becoming common nowadays?
Here are 8 simple things that you or we should think through before getting into a relationship....
To simply put it, don't get into a relationship for the sake of getting into one. So don't force yourself to find someone and get into a relationship just because you want to be in one or because you are lonely.
I know of a lot of people who are like that and because they want a relationship so badly, they force themselves to accept people that they actually couldn't click and communicate with, or in the first place, they don't really love or have feelings for that person. Why? Because they just want to be in a relationship.
So why force yourself, when the love is not even there and when you know things might not work out in the long run? Don't you think you're being selfish as you are leading another party on? And eventually dumping him/her when you really cannot take it anymore? This is a super selfish act.
Same goes to people that just cannot live without a partner. So whenever they broke up from a relationship, they will start finding potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Probably as a rebound and for some, they just cannot live without having boyfriend/girlfriend. Not that there is anything wrong, but shouldn't you get over your ex first before getting into another relationship instead of using people as rebound. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. Chances are, you might even feel worse having someone as a rebound.
Doesn't mean that if all your friends around you are happily attached and in a relationship, you must also get into one. Doesn't mean when your whole clique of friends are in a relationship except you, then you must also go find a partner because you feel left out or weird whenever you are with them.
No, you don't get into a relationship just because all your friends have boyfriend/girlfriend. That is a really lousy reason or excuse. You get into a relationship because you really love that person and not because of your friends urging you to get into one or due to the "imaginary" peer pressure by your friends because all of them are attached and you are not. Most likely is that, you are the only one giving yourself this pressure.
Although getting into a relationship is relatively not as serious as compared to getting married, but I feel that it isn't a child's play too. Because for people who are serious about relationship, once they get into one, they will hope that the partner will be the one that they will end up marrying and last till the end of life.
But people now gets into relationship so conveniently without having much thoughts because they think that, "Oh.. if end up we are unsuitable for each other, we can always just break up afterwards".
No, you don't go around getting into relationship when you just know the person for few hours or days, because you simply don't even know him/her well enough at all. I think proper communication and hanging out for a period of time is essential. And you need to get to know each other better, before you will know whether if you guys are suitable. No, we are not in some cheesy drama, so love at first sight is not always possible because that "love at first sight" might be based on superficial looks of one another.
So you love someone because they are drop dead gorgeous looking or because they are rich?
Nowadays people tend to look out for these criteria to evaluate whether the other party can be their partner. Many based it on the appearance of the person or if not, on the materialistic level.
Me and my friends came to know a lot of girls nowadays expect and want their boyfriends to all have a car to fetch them around, shower them with gifts and surprises.... they just have to be rich or if not, they won't accept them. They don't care if they are good looking or not, old or not, as long as they are rich, they want them. So where is the love? Yes, we only can see your love for their money and not the person.
Another are those who simply just goes for looks, so if another party is good looking or have hot body.... no matter what they do or even if they can't really communicate, they will force themselves to accept. Even if they don't know them well enough to know how are they really like, but they will still accept because.... why? Good looking what! And usually, it turns out to be a disappointment after you really know them.
Frankly speaking, if you are getting into a relationship to fulfil your sexual needs you should be ashamed of yourself. For most couples (I'm saying most, not all so don't start flaming me), sexual acts are essential for the relationship but if you are getting into one, in order just to satisfy your sexual needs then please stop.
Because you are basically making use of another party, whom in another hand, might truly love you.
Honestly, there is a vast difference with making love with someone you love and making love with someone whom you don't have feelings for. I don't think I need to explain, but you should all know the logic, although thats not really the point. Most importantly, is actually not to "cheat" the other party on believing that you love them therefore you wanted a relationship, but in actual fact, you just want sex out of it. If that's the case, what's the difference is your relationship as compared to 'Friends With Benefit' then?
In order for a relationship to work and last, both parties must put in effort in maintaining it.
If either one of you didn't really want this relationship in the first place, it might eventually end off in a bad note. Therefore, don't get yourself into one if you aren't serious about it, so you will not hurt the another party's heart. Don't play with people's feelings. If you do not have time to spend with your partner because of other commitment issues (such as work or school etc) then, don't get into a relationship.
If you think you are not yet ready for it, then don't get into a relationship. If you think you still wanna have fun outside and not ready to settle down, then don't get into a relationship. If you still want to seek for more options, then don't get into a relationship. If you still cannot get over your ex, then don't get into a relationship. It's just as simple as that, simply don't waste the other person time.
Changing for the better is okay. Things like; quit smoking, improving their personal hygiene, instilling good habits and manners etc. Things like that are okay, cause it's changing for the better.
I know of some couples really did change for the better, under each other's influence. Like some started to care for their family more, changed all their bad habits, some even their temper became better etc. All these kind of changes are awesome but not those where they want to change you for who you are.
Loving someone is to love who they really are, not changing them to someone whom you want them to be.
Try to appreciate them for being themselves and love their flaws because it can be special and beautiful. All these flaws actually makes them who they are too. Don't try to enforce changes on them just because you will like them after the changes. Be happy for who they are and appreciates them for that, because every single one of us are special in our own ways isn't it.
I know of some people who demand their partner to dress in a certain way (eg. more revealing/sexy), or ask them to go plastic surgery, or even ask them to slim down.... just because they don't like they way they are now. Have you ever thought of how your partner will feel when you tell them all these?
Do you really love them for who they are, or are you changing them to someone that you will love only after the changes has been made?
I guess most of us should know what we really want in the first place.
Are you ready for a relationship? Yes or no? If you still wanna have fun, then don't go around breaking people's heart by getting into a relationship. And don't ever be a third party and break up people's relationship on purpose. Imagine what if it happens to you, how will you feel?
If you are serious and ready for a relationship, go ahead. But don't rush into things, slowly take your time to know someone better and soon you will find the one who is right for you.
Follow your heart and let it take you wherever it might be. Sometimes apart for chasing love, let love find you too, as it always will comes unnoticed and when you're least prepared for it. Also, it takes courage to love as well, so remember to pluck up your courage! Other than that, good luck!